oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
