so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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