Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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