Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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