the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
