I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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