I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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