FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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