He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
