she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
