neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
