This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
