I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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