absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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