Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
