Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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