You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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