I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
