Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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