Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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