Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
