It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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