My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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