ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
