Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
