i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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