At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
