I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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