I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
