I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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