It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
