i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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