why didn't you poke me back
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
