She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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