Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
