I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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