i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
