john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
