yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
