So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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