franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
