Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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