And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
