i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
