You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
