oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
