We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
