So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
