I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
