After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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