oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
